Then one day I had my wisdom teeth pulled and my cheeks became grapefruits.

I found myself always distracted, thinking more to myself about how to make a graceful exit than about whatever my date was saying. But I quickly came to hate first dates themselves. At the time, I loved the concept of online dating and went out with other Manhattanites almost every weekend. The site held a similar philosophy when it came to distance, and we employees would sometimes joke we needed to add a special filter for New Yorkers that let them specify, Show me matches under 10 miles, but nobody from New Jersey. Though the internet allows us to connect with people across the globe near instantly, dating apps like Tinder prioritize showing us nearby matches, the assumption being the best date is the one we can meet up with as quickly as possible with little inconvenience.Ī year and a half ago, I was 23, single, and working as an engineer at the online-dating site OkCupid. was researching marriage patterns in small towns and concluded: “People will go as far as they have to to find a mate, but no farther.” This still seems to be the case in 2018. Seventy years ago, the Yale sociologist John Ellsworth Jr.

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